How to keep from puking

As the temperatures are finally dropping, I found myself reflecting on the summer.  I didn't work at the bar very much so there wasn't enough to write about.  But the more I think, the more I remember.  I haven't had a refined carb in 7 days or caffeine in 8 (but who's counting?!?!) so if I'm a bit grouchy, deal with it.

Let's start with my personal favorite of the summer.  The girl who thought she could drink 7 long island ice tea's in her sweatpants.  The sweatpants aren't really important to the story other than a reminder to you all that sweatpants should never be worn in public. Ever.  This refined elegant woman took to slamming what amounts to 28 shots in a matter of 2 or 3 hours and I have to say the results were as fantastic as you would expect.  As she stumbled to the bathroom, she fell into a painting on the wall, knocked herself out and pissed her sweatpants (I hope she can salvage them!!).  When she came to, she vomited what we guessed where 20 hot dogs and spaghetti all over.

RULE: Never drink 7 long islands unless you are the size of Shaquille O'Neal or have the drinking experience of Charlie Sheen.

Another of my favorites was a 50-something year old woman who was dressed as a school girl.  Did I mention this was summer?  She had on a plaid skirt, knee high socks, and her hair was in two braids.  I wasn't sure if I should ask why she was in costume or what asylum she had broken out of.  She grabbed me, as drunken people are very apt to do, and asked me for something but I couldn't make out what she wanted.  Someone at the table informed me that she wanted a Red Bull and Vodka.  I looked her in the eyes and said, "I can't serve it to you if you can't say it."  She took a deep breath, straightened up, and gave her best attempt at acting sober.  Good enough.  She also was not able to make it out of the bar without losing her lunch. 

RULE: Watch out for energy drinks, especially if you are 1)over 35 2)sensitive to caffeine. I can't have more than one bomb without waking up after 4 hours of sleep feeling like death.  I imagine this amplifies with each passing decade.


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