The bar that I work at, in an effort to boost our early evening business, has merged with the local comedy club. We now feature comedians from 7:30 - 9:30 and then dueling pianos begin after that. A few years ago I worked for the comedy club so I was pretty excited about this change.
Comedy club etiquette is pretty simple, keep your table talk to a minimum. This means don't talk to your friend during the show and don't heckle the comedians (unless it is Carlos Mencia who is coming soon. Feel free to heckle that joke stealing hack). If you think you are funnier than the comedian (which is possible - see Carlos Mencia) then feel free to come down for Amateur Comedy night and see how difficult getting laughs really can be. People's number one fear is public speaking. Number one - more than death! Most people would literally rather die than speak in public. So that also means that when people give eulogies, they would rather be the one in the coffin.
The only other tip I have for you is to order beer by the bucket. This way, you are not being interrupted during the show by the servers asking you if you want another and having to pay the server and missing out on the show. If you aren't a beer drinker, run a tab and if you plan on slamming your drinks, order two at a time.
This puts me in the difficult position of trying to keep people's drinks full but not bothering them during the show either. I think I do a pretty decent job of this, reading people's body language. However, I was vastly mistaken this weekend during the hypnotist's show. We were directed that we were not allowed to serve while he was attempting to put people under. I explained this to all my tables and everyone fully understood and ordered accordingly. Later in the show, I quietly moved between the tables and bused empty tables and checked on a few of my mixed drink people. I pulled two bottles off a high top table and the woman (picture a giant toad with glasses) said to me, "Could you do that later, my daughter is onstage." I was not obstructing her view in any way, and I was not talking to her. I walked in front of her ONCE, thus she missed a fraction of a second of her daughter. Maybe as you're reading this, you think what she said was completely in the realm of acceptable. Maybe, but it was how she said it to me. She didn't make eye contact, and she made a flicking motion with her hand as if I was a mosquito at a picnic. I picked my jaw up and went to the bathroom to take a few deep breaths.
It's times like this when I turn into Murtaugh and say to myself, "I'm too old for this shit." Then I'm brought back to reality with the thoughts of my next vacation and I head back out. I circle around, wanting to hit that table last, and as I am chatting with the couple next to them, I hear them loudly talking about me, "Did she put us all on one tab?" "I don't know but I want to pay for my own so I hope she figures that out." I calmly turn to them and ask politely, "Would you like me to separate your drinks? Yes? I'd be happy to do that." Then the toad said, "Could you remake these drinks? My daughter was onstage the whole time and they are completely watered down." Then the daughter jumped in with, "But I'd like fuzzy navels this time." She had ordered two drinks per my suggestion and they were correct, they were completely watered down. I put my hand to my throat in attempt to hold back the rising bile and tried not to think about the fact that she hadn't drank ANY of the drinks and most likely didn't like what she ordered. Since my motivation is money, and not justice, I went and got the drinks doing a spot on impersonation of the toad for the other staff.
I think what bothered me most about it, was that I couldn't respond to her, I just had to slink away as if I had done something wrong. Normally when someone says something rude to me, I can come right back at them. For instance, a guy shoved a camera at me and said, "You should take our picture." I took the camera and said with a laugh, "You should find a nicer way of asking me." He laughed, realizing how what he just said sounded. The guy who held out his glass and said, "Put water in here." My reply was to hold out my hand, cock my head to the side, smile, and say, "Put money in here." We laughed, it was fine. I don't think people ever set out to be rude, so if you can offset it with humor, it diffuses the whole situation. Some people pick up on it, like that guy but others are completely clueless. One guy in his 50's, pushed me to get my attention first (not the first time this has happened to me - why is this a way to get someone's attention - do drunk people just not know their own strength??), then later while my back was to him and I was talking to another table, he grabbed my ass. Not like a push, but a creepy caress. He didn't notice my surprise and disgust when I turned around. I asked if he meant to just do that. His reply, "Need another drink." Have I fallen into the 1800's? Is this a whorehouse? Have I been watching too much Deadwood? It happened not just once, but TWICE. I could not hide my exasperation the second time and asked if I could get him his tab. Was I really going to have to throw out a 50 year old man on a date with his wife for molesting me?!? Thankfully, he wanted his tab. He wrote, "RUDE" on his credit card slip. I wrote "PERVERT" on it and gave it back to him.
RULE: It's not what you say but how you say it that makes all the difference in the world.
