My hero George Carlin once said, "Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that." That may sound a bit arrogant but it is obvious that George at one time worked with the public. We all do stupid things once and awhile. I once passed out in a vestibule of the apartment building of my boyfriend who was out of town that weekend. Not only was I robbed, but had I gone into the other door, I could have gotten in and avoided the whole horrible scenario.
Alcohol can make you do stupid things but sometimes I wonder if the person didn't have much to start with. The other night a guy came up and ordered a Long Island Iced Tea - in a big glass please. There are 4 shots of alcohol in a Long Island - plus mixers. Where on earth were you that they gave you one in a SMALL glass?!? If you get a Long Island in a short glass, you are drinking some kind of pre-made mix that isn't worth the $6 you are paying for it.
After asking me what was on tap a man asked me for a glass of 321. I must have had low blood sugar that day because it went right by me. I knew what he meant and it didn't even register. I had the context, and I've worked with drunk people enough that often times all I need is a syllable to decipher what they want. However, it didn't get past his friend who smirked and asked, "Why do they call it that?" The guy excitedly replied, "Because it's 3-2-1 and you're drunk!" The table laughed and his friend informed him the beer was called "3-1-2" because the beer is made in Chicago in the 312 area code. He must have been on about his 8th 312 (321, whatever) or he's incredibly dyslexic in math because he just laughed along with them. I would have fainted from the embarrassment.
During a particular busy time in the night a couple was standing at the end of the bar. They had been waiting for a little bit and people can get downright nasty when they are forced to wait. These two were quite exasperated when they shouted at the bartender, "CAN WE GET A DRINK?!?" The bartender realized they had been waiting so calmly said, "Sure, what would you like?" The woman replied, "Ummmmmm. I don't know...." The man said, "What do you have?" They are standing INCHES away from the glass beer coolers displaying the beers and so close to the liquor bottles that they could touch them. The bartender looked around because these two couldn't possibly be serious. He's looking around to see if anyone is witnessing this and to ensure that he isn't the butt of some practical joke. Would you walk into the bank and demand a teller help you and then appear completely lost as to why you wanted them? Would you call the police and then say, well it really isn't that important. You don't get to yell at someone in the service industry for not being timely when you in fact were not ready yourself. It's like yelling at the postal employee for being late with the mail when all that was to be delivered was junk mail.
Another way to look like an escaped mental patient is to approach the bar looking eager and when the bartender approaches you say with a smile so big it is nearly ripping your face, "I don't know what I feel like! Just make me something!!" The bartender reached down and put a bottle of beer in front of her as the smile slowly retracted into disappointment. "$2.50 Please." Bartenders are not street artists. They aren't going to take you in and create a cocktail inspired by you.
Next time, step back, take a deep breath, and be ready with your order when you yell at the bartender. If you aren't ready there's a guy that needs a Long Island in a Tall glass. At least he knows what he wants.
RULE: Know what you want to drink. Have a go-to back-up in case the bar doesn't carry what you want.
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