How to be a Horrible Friend

There are rules in life. Some rules will get you put in jail, some, like facing the back of an elevator, will just get you a raised eyebrow.  Some things you don't know are wrong unless someone tells you.  For instance, it is weird and creepy to ask someone whom you just met their last name so you can send them a friend request on Facebook while you're talking to them.  However, it's completely okay to ask what some one's twitter name is so you can follow them and do it while they are right in front of you. 

People break what I would consider "rules" in a bar all the time.  Normally, I don't tell people that they are doing something wrong but this time, I couldn't let it go.  And I was antagonized.  Here's the story:

A group of 12 people were celebrating a girl's birthday.  A guy on the end of the table ordered 6 depth charger shots.  He was running a tab but told me, "Don't put those on my tab."  I gave him a quizzical look and he just repeated himself, "Don't put them all of my tab."  Hmmm.  Ok.  Trying to think the best of people, I thought maybe he was going to pay cash for them.  He can't possibly be asking what I think he's asking. 

When I brought the shots back he instructed me to pass out the shots and I again broached the subject of payment.  One couple had a tab and the guy said, "Put our 2 on our tab."  Okay, two down.  What about the other 4?  Here is my exact response to what he told me. Word for word.

"You want me to ask each of these people for $6 to pay for a shot that YOU ordered?!?!"  This was my subtle way of hinting at him that he was a complete asshole and this is simply not done.  If you order shots - you pay for them.  Especially if you are a guy!  Women often each pay for their own shots but they have to have a 15 minute discussion amongst themselves to verify any specials, approve the shot choice, and count and recount how many actually want the shot.  It's annoying, but it's okay.  You don't order shots for other people and then expect THEM to pay for it.  "Hey I wanna order everyone in the bar a shot! Oh, but I don't want to pay for them." "Get that beautiful girl across the bar a shot! Put it on HER tab!"

After I gave the guy my best disdainful look, his friend beside him asked what was going on.  Shot Guy starts having a conversation with him as if I'm not standing expectantly inches away from him, about ME.  "For some reason she is really pissed off that I won't buy all these shots." 

I felt the need to interrupt. "Whoa! Stop right there. I'm not pissed off at all.  I'm trying to make you understand that what you're asking is not right.  You want me to ask the birthday girl to pay for a shot YOU ordered for her."  I raised my eyebrows in a do-you-get-it-now expression.  His response: "Ok. Put hers on my tab."  I wanted to throw my arms up in exasperation.  This guy was not going to get it.  Fine. He has the social skills of a melon.  Nothing I can do. 

But you can learn from the Shot Asshole.  RULE: If you order shots for people who are unaware that you are ordering them, you MUST pay for them.